Are you Man or Mouse?

The knowledge you hold within yourself is connected to the very fabric of life because that is what you are, quite literally, made of. You have an innate understanding of the workings of  your body, the earth and the universe you inhabit.  All life on earth carry the same imprint or genetic makeup only 30% marking the biggest difference between some species, with as little as 2% between humans and chimps, and only 8% difference between us and mice. This tells me one important thing,  even the smallest difference in genetic sequencing can be a major difference in function and design. In humans the difference is technically infinitesimal with  only .1% offering individual cataloging of race, gender as well as ancestry and yet unlike chimps and mice we like to think of ourselves as individuals. Psychological testing has proven again and again over many years that we are as predictable as mice in pretty much any environment that we have been consistently required to respond to stimuli or an absence of stimuli,  we have proven so predictable that multinational corporations have made immense amounts of money exploiting these tendencies. This is not a political statement, it is one of awareness, it also shows it is not the result of upbringing if the same methods work across different nationalities as well as for those who  hold differing beliefs and values. It seems we have not outgrown the value/reward motivations that drive mice to allow themselves to be hurt to gain a nominal amount of cheese. The difference between us and mice is not that 8% it is our knowledge that the testing we undertake IS testing, it is not survival for us and yet we are still driven by the same motivation as the mouse as if our very lives depended on it.

The Hawthorn effect describes the changes in behaviour that are apparent when a person knows they are being studied, these studies were conducted in work situations where there is a perceived interest but just as important, perhaps more so, those being studies know their performance will be related back to their employer, As many of these types of studies do, they just ignore the obvious, that is the very real possibility of reward for good behaviours and a consequence for not doing your job, the pseudo intellectual arguing over the merits of any study where the subject knows they are being studied rarely seem to include the natural tendency to please the the observer or those who may have access to the information. University studies are so well versed in the antics of subjects to please or give 'correct' rather than true answers, that they devise some very interesting groups of questions and time limits on answering in an attempt to subvert our attempts to please them. What does all this mean really? It means we are so predictable in our responses that clever devices are needed to find the true you or the true result of any testing, it means that no matter how much you know about what is going on, there is a tendency to play things in a way that give you a reward by pleasing someone else, even when there is no actual reward in play. In other words, we just don't think. 

The very skill we are proud of, the one that we say makes us different from animals, the ability to adjust our thinking, analyze and problem solve beyond a survival instinct, seems to be dormant in the face of reward, any kind of reward, Spiritually speaking we are sold a reward in heaven and a damning in hell and like the mice taking electric shocks to achieve their reward becoming less and less intimidated by the pain, we are prepared to accept the pain to get what we see as the reward. there is not one area of life that this motivation doesn't affect, To move past this idea some spiritual idealists deny the need for any material reward and see this as evolved without ever considering the very act of voluntarily enslaving yourself to your belief is seeking the reward, this may be absolution, reincarnation or heaven, it doesn't really matter. What happens if you can move beyond reward, beyond 'I deserve'. More and more the teachings involve the word deserve, too often I hear spiritual counselors advising their listeners that they deserve all the good things in life, there is nothing to feel guilty about along with forgiveness of others and self. What a dis empowering teaching for surely that means anyone who does not have their hearts desire does NOT deserve it in some way, that someone who has guilt has no reason for it nor responsibility for their actions in the past or the present. Perhaps all we need to learn in the modern day is to think, to use what we have learned to be creative rather than exercising an ongoing principle of denial that is so prevalent with those seeking ascension, evolution and what they deserve.

Core Healing

When it comes to Self Healing getting help does not, and should not, mean giving your power over to someone else. Denial plays such a huge part in shifts of consciousness that even in the most obvious circumstances we often don't recognize our own behaviours, even when we recognize the tendency. When your life situations and relationships are clearly showing you that things are not right we can tell ourselves all sorts of stories including the bad luck one. The truth is vastly different thank goodness, without this truth we would be doomed to live the fantasy mind scenario in what could be an unhappy existence.

What is the fantasy mind scenario? It's the one where your mind repeats over and over, you just haven't met the right person yet, someone else is to blame (anyone will do), I'm a great person what's wrong with everyone else, I deserve the best because i suffered in the past. None of these statements are true, all your relationships and life situations are a culmination (karma) of your past actions, words, behaviours and responses. This doesn't mean you didn't experience childhood traumas, what it means is that you don't recognize how your behaviours have impacted every area of your life. Too often behaviours reflect poor teachings, a kids with substance abuser parents are often substance abusers themselves, they just don't use what their parents used and then tell themselves that what they are doing has no relation. For instance if your parents were smokers, you are more likely to become a smoker, but you are even MORE likely to become addicted to anything, gambling, alcohol, marijuana (yes i know stoners swear it is not addictive, the same stoners who can't stop smoking weed while the very word, stoner implies constant, ongoing and long term substance use). We hear of addictive personalities and while there is an element of truth in the idea, we are all very capable of stopping behaviours we decide we no longer want to engage in. ALL of us.

Over the years i have seen individuals dump life long habits happily and without drama simply because they didn't want it anymore. For all addicts of either substance or behaviour, there needs to be an element of wanting to continue life as they are, even if they aren't enjoying it, this is where denial comes in. I discovered quite recently a study completed by Dr McAdams and his team who call this phenomenon “end of history illusion,” in which people tend to “underestimate how much they will change in the future.” According to their research, which involved more than 19,000 people ages 18 to 68, the illusion persists from teenage years into retirement. “Middle-aged people — like me — often look back on our teenage selves with some mixture of amusement and chagrin,” said one of the authors, Daniel T. Gilbert, a psychologist at Harvard. “What we never seem to realize is that our future selves will look back and think the very same thing about us. At every age we think we’re having the last laugh, and at every age we’re wrong.”

After reading the study I realized that my own program 'Core Healing' deals with exactly that, while you can see your life will be different or that your health may change, you find it difficult to see how YOU  will be different and so it becomes obvious to seek difference or change catalysts outside yourself.  There is no doubt that if you make a single core change in yourself, everything in your life changes. Not over the next 24 hours, but certainly over the next say 12 months. If you can effect a number of required core changes you have the initiation of a life you could never have imagined living, because you become the centre of a change you are not even aware of happening until after it happens. Changes  in what you like, or don't like., what you expend time on, the type of people you are attracted to, motivation and goals. Quite literally everything can change for some and for others key areas that can turn bad relationships into good ones (yes that is always within your power) and the daily grind into a daily pleasure. Brad Pitt was struggling in his relationship with Angelina, he was sure for a while their relationship was over and then he decided, 'I don''t want this', he bought all of his attention to bear on HER, talking about her only, saying nice things about her and never giving himself centre stage even in friend circles, he saw her change, smiling more, caring about him more, he saw her open up and blossom. He not only saved his marriage, but he regenerated it through creating a state of change in a conscious and loving way. We do forget that this is how relationships usually start, total focus and attention on the OTHER person, we can be pretty sure that doing the opposite is what ends them.

How does Core Healing help? it offers you insight into your own beginnings, AHA moments come from an objective observation of self,  either by a healing practitioner of any sort (how many times do we ignore advice from Doctors, Psychologists and Spiritual advisers simply because we can't imagine that we can change our SELF) or by discovering information that resonates with a past we know. You don't have to imagine how you can be different in the future to speed up the process so you are not looking back in 10 years and regretting those same 10 years. I have created and am creating affordable hypnosis downloads to speed up desired change in a targeted conscious way, that is, you choose what you want to change. Most people do this based on life crisis, or historical issues. These hypnosis are a part of a larger group of programs designed to help you change quickly and easily into the person you want to be, the person you are inside the habits and early life training, the person that most reflects you, this is where we all find happiness, this is the advice of many spiritual counselors, be yourself. The problem is, most of us don't know how to do that and many don't even know WHO that is.  If you prefer a cognitive approach to life change these programs oblige with a combination of cognitive therapies and hypnotherapy, I personally believe and have seen in my own clients that change on a large scale  should take no longer than 12 months, after which you should be quite happily living your life at most with occasional forays into development as and when life situations require. I believe we should come past the point of needing healing and into the promised land of living life in the now. 

  Core Healing the meditation is free on youtube or you can download it to your device  from Google play  it is comprehensive so it will take a few times if you recognize a number of areas in your past, affecting your present. 

Affordable Hypnosis with Dorothy

Hidden Emotions: The Epicentre of Bad Behaviours

 If you have engaged in years of avoidance, regardless of method, you will find yourself in a state of arrested development when it comes to the emotions, in other words you will have a low emotional IQ and respond to most emotional crisis in a destructive way. The most common term for this is not a great one, acting out. What does this mean exactly? It is the state of living a group of behaviours that don’t reflect who you are, your values or your beliefs about who you are. Mostly this will bring conflict into your life along with failed relationships and over time, a lack of faith in yourself.

If these behaviours are to be addressed it is vital to understand what emotion is driving them, then and only then do you have a chance of overcoming a lack of self-awareness. We could go into all sorts of gobbledygook, I am very capable of doing that, but, I disagree with most of it, due to the reality that for the most part, psychology has a terrible record and is based on something so simple it is staggeringly obvious that a good friend or some self-knowledge for most, will get the job done cheaply and efficiently. There is one thing required however, whether you get assistance or not, if you are to bring yourself into a world dominated by who you are and not what you try to avoid. That is honesty, where there is denial you can never get a purchase on the story, you will continue to read the lines of an outdated script until you are prepared to get honest with yourself. This offers some cringing moments if you have not been a particularly nice person and even more so if you have been telling yourself or others that you are a nice guy, however you would not be exploring issues on a regular basis if you were not a person aware that your problems stem from you. Until you are aware of this any method of healing you seek out will be based on what others can do for you.

The following are clues to what is driving you, there are a  few so not all will relate to you but if one or more does, take the time to explore yourself if transforming your life is what you are about.

Being transactional in relationships with others and life is an indication of the early stages of childhood development, it has no place in adulthood. This is the state of someone or life in general owing you something and using others to make large or small gains while feeling justified in this. One of the harder things to overcome because in feeling justified you will always blame others when things don’t go well.  Being transformational is an indication of understanding yourself and who you need to be to live the life you fit into best, that is the life and behaviours that match who you are inside.

 This is the state of accepting responsibility, stretching yourself to stay on track with your desires and allowing that you have a role in your relationships. In short it is not for someone to give you things, their time or energy to make you happy. It is for you to be the person you say you are, to be the person you think you are, and be the person you know yourself to be. If you find yourself making lots of excuses on a regular basis or begin relationships by telling everyone what you can’t do, you are being transactional. If you are not honest about the nature of your relationships and are often `explaining away’ circumstances or representing yourself in different ways to different people in your life, you are being transactional Emotions are often hidden under the behaviours so behaviour is a fairly accurate guide to what is going on, if you can identify the emotions you can also find a way to describe in your mind or to another, what is going on. When acting out has become the norm it is easy to fall into the trap of letting behaviours speak your feelings, mostly this will be destructive and, lets not wander around the edges of this, immature. If you have often been called immature it is not a reference to some cutesy childlike quality, it is an indication that you are shallow as all children are due to a lack of experience and character development.  As always any behaviours that are short term due to circumstances are not an issue, although it is wise to determine if your behaviours are appropriate, long term consistent behaviours in an essentially damaged life are what we are addressing.

We are generally not judged for who we are, but the strength and weakness of character we display. It may be tempting to say accept me as I am, but the question becomes, who are you? Every person I have met, at some point decides who they want around them and who they do not. This is exercising judgment in the appropriate way. The tendency is to find likeminded people which does not mean people who agree, but people who carry the same values. If you dislike dishonesty yet you spend much of your time around people who are dishonest, it is time for you to take a good look at yourself and at your own values. If you judge those around you or feel superior to them, you may find that they are just expressing character weaknesses that you yourself possess.  Letting your behaviours be a guide to your emotions is a great way to set in motion character development. As Lao Tsu advised,

“Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habit. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.”

Many people say they just don’t know how to ask for help because they are too independent, the truth here, is that for the most part they just don’t want to deal with themselves and by not asking for help they don’t have to admit their role in the experience they have created. Please note the transactional character trait will, up to now, have expected others to fix things, there's some bad news for you, it’s never going to happen that way. You won’t stop crying inside until you exercise will over your self, until you find the depth within yourself to curb the behaviours that cover the feelings that just never go away because you haven’t identified them and dealt with them. In the end being an emotional cripple is not a state of victimhood but becomes a state of laziness. (Phew, send the hate mail here..)

Time really doesn’t heal, it gives you a period of mourning, then a time comes when you need to exert will over your thoughts and feelings. Until that is done you will be a shallow person living a shallow existences. Why are you reading this? Because you don’t like yourself very much. Why am I saying these things? Because you need to know why, and until you do, life will continue to suck.

Depth of character is gained through self-discovery the greater your understanding of self the greater your understanding of others. Is living a hurtful or hateful life really who you are? Not all the statements will apply to you in all areas of your life, but if they do, it is time to put your adult panties on and sort things out. Don’t tell yourself that you will fall in love and everything will be all right or that you will be saved, that is transactional. Don’t tell yourself you just need more time, that is maintaining the circumstance of self pity. You have had time, ask yourself: what did you do with it? If you got this far, well done, I am very aware of the `in your face’ nature of this article.

If you identify any or more of the behaviours below just acknowledge them and give yourself time to really explore. Remember these are only guide lines, but they are good ones, having more hits than misses. If you find yourself feeling dismissive, relax put it away and read it again in a day or two, or when you stop being angry about it, ask why it would bother you, or indeed why anything bothers you? Until you ask yourself these questions you will not be in control of who you are, what you think and how you feel. Ask yourself questions listen for the answers, even if they take a bit of time. Years of denial are hard to overcome but truly listening to yourself will always give you an opportunity to see or experience the answers in a matter of days, if not immediately. Sometimes the answer will come as an unbidden memory or dream.

When did this feeling start?

How did I get this way?

How did I manage to maintain it for all these years?

What can I do about it now? (As in right now and going forward)

·                If ....

•    you laugh too much even at stupid things you may be lonely inside  
•     you speak less but speak quickly, you may keep secrets that you shouldn’t be keeping 
•     you sleep a lot, sadness is likely a constant companion  
•     you can’t cry, you are made weak by avoiding your own feelings
•    you in an abnormal manner (extreme fussiness, excessive over eating or not eating), tension and seeking attention is an issue    
•     you cry over little things you are innocent or naive
•     you become angry over small things and feel unloved or unlovable

It's a fine line we travel when we don't understand ourselves it makes it nearly impossible for another to know who we are, and if they should see us, and if they should love what they see, the path forward is fraught with the obstacles of behaviours that will surely bring us down.

Denial is the block

I am often asked why some problems just wont go away, or why we create the same thing over again even when we are trying to do things differently. The reason is always the same no matter what the issue is, denial. The effect of refusing to acknowedge an aspect or a behaviour in any situation will ensure that it continues.

While acknowledging a behaviour may cause some discomfort for a time this discomfort will pass and you can then move on into a different situation or rectify the one you are in. once you are open to the possibility your own actions were as significant in any life situation as anyone elses you are already on your way to resolving issues and creating a new way of living.

Denial is so powerful that it can prevent the intake of information on any level, how often have we seen someone struggling with something when the answer is obvious to everyone else, and yet no matter how you present the solution, the person continues in their struggle. It appears that they just aren't listening, well in essence they are not. However it would be more accurate to say they can't hear you, while denial is present they cannot process the information.

This is not about belief, you may have heard the saying you will see it when you believe it. This is about being open to possibilities and then accepting information as it becomes available, it is the refusal to accept the information that we don't want to know that leads to denial, and the longer you practice denial in certain areas the worse it becomes until you are deaf and blind to anything other than what you choose to accept.

Everyone denies reality at some point in their life, the way to minimize its impact or get rid of it completely is to start a practice of self awareness. This may lead to a cringe moment but is well worth it, have a think about any ongoing issues whether with one person or many over the years, especially situations that make you uncomfortable or angry. If you are in the habit of placing the fault on someone else then just suspend that for this excercise and focus on your own feeling, how long have you had this feeling?

As you focus on this feeling make an agreement with yourself that you will investigate this feeling and be open to whatever you need to know about it, if thoughts of others or blaming trends creep in, let them pass, you don't need those right now. Make the agreement with yourself that you are mature enough to accept the reality of the situation and the feelings.

Depending on the depth of the denial it could take a little while to get through to the aspect that needs healing within yourself, it may be a behaviour that you do not like within yourself, the feeling itself, or an ongoing response to an old situation that is altering your behaviour and creating new situations. The more you want to make the changes the more you will see and hear.

Taking denial and opening your self up to accepting who you are and being ready to make the changes that will allow you to be the person you are inside is a courageous thing to do and once undertaken usually has a powerful effect on your life, not just for a situation but in future you will be more aware of it, and more open to accepting those things that are real.